Where are all the babysitters?

Do you remember being able to call the the neighbor kid over to watch your kids for a couple of hours without it breaking the bank? It was no big deal, right? "Hi Sarah, listen I have to run a few errands is Nicole free?" "Sure, I'll send her over." You'd give her a few dollars - she was happy, the kids were happy and you got the errands done. No one went broke and it wasn't a line item on your budget. What happened?

My husband I moved out to the West Coast 10+ years ago with a 10 year old. He could manage himself just fine. Had lots of interests to keep him occupied and so when we went looking for a sitter, we looked no further than the neighbors we'd met then. They had a son not much older and the two boys did well with each other. Off we went to our movie or our dinner. It was nice.
Times changed and my daughter came along. Gratefully, my 10 year old had become a tweenager and was a built-in sitter. He dutifully ignored her for 3 hours at a time while we went off to a movie and everyone was happy....well sort of. She would complain but that was expected. Finally, he got very busy with a life of his own and friends that drove and so we went in search of our first sitter.

We had a string of sitters that were lovely but pricey. For $10/hour, you could get a wonderful well-bred high school student in athletic gear who would put your child to bed an hour and a half after you left then paint her toes and watch TV for the same price. No problem with the activites, I get it...I used to look after kids for pocket money but OUCH! We'd have to run past the ATM to get $40 to pay the sitter after dropping $45 on dinner and $40 on a movie. Clearly, we had to extend our search.

We tried a few different girls - all wonderful - all expensive. It's a problem isn't it? You have to go out as a couple from time to time or you become THAT couple in the restaurant. You know the one. They sit there staring at their placemats or worse - past their partner's right ear into the distance - for an hour....or more. There's nothing to say. So instead, you pony up and smile when you get back home.

There's another problem with their system too. They go away. I'm not always sure where but they stop becoming available. Sure there's college and all the studying, etc. But how many can you lose to a state with only 5 universities. Where are all the babysitters? Is that it then...the price is so high because they are in limited quantity and high demand? Like blue diamonds.
What does a teenager need $40 - 60 dollars for? After a few babysitting sessions, he or she could start purchasing major hardware - iPods and such - that could also render them unavailable as they watch TV on their new Plasma screen rather than take your lousy job watching little Johnny for 3 hours and they all know little Johnny is a screamer that doesn't go to bed.

Recently, I found out that there's a whole system set up by adults who look after each others' kids and there's someone who manages this human database. And it comes with rules. Like, if you're a part of this cooperative effort, you must donate X amount of time per month to looking after someone else's kiddos. That seems fair. And if you belong, and there doesn't seem to be a fee (other than the emotional one), you have to be clear with your kids on what's expected of them, etc. And so on. It seems like a terrific idea. A wonderful backlash to the sitter supply and demand that is essentially a system gone wrong. So how does one get into this group. It took 10 years for me to even find out about it - clearly I'm not hanging with the right people ;-)

Well, it turns out you have to be invited. I don't know for sure, but I imagine that as this community of unknown parents revolves around you or you revolve around it there is some process that is occurring. Some means by which you are being evaluated as to your abilities, your sensibilities, your value to the group. How safe are you? That would make sense but how does one ever know? Do you have guns in the home? You can't just drop that bomb in a casual conversation. People remember things like that; no it must be carefully crafted. Further, what are your views on...name your controversial topic. Are the couple being considered a little too eager with their views or perhaps too vague or even - do they have an opinion? Do they socialize outside of the workday? With whom? Are there dinners or brunches with friends? Who are their friends? Their children's friends? What can we learn of their children? Hhmmm...... Is $40 too much?